did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Randomize
