last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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