what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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