eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
