is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
