Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
