They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
