I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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