her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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