last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
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