its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
