You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize