HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize