i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
