Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
