i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
