Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
