I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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