we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
