i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
