you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
