So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Randomize
