Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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