I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
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