Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
