there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
