PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
