New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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