My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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