I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
