I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Randomize
