things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Come share oat with me in your robe
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
