i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
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