Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
