I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
