Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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