omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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