Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
