Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
