You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
