I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
