I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Randomize
