i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
