I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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