If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He felt like a one man threesome
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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