Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
