shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need to align my fucking chakras
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
