When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
