In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
