Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Randomize
