TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
