so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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