Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
