Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
