hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
