I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
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