when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
