so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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