Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
i now understand why vodka
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
