i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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