This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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