sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
