? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
