I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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