24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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