Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
