AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
