dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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