i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
