and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
