I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
