his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
