I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
