I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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