I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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