i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
