Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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