It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
