Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
